Fun with Stereotypes

Prelude

Nothing makes you believe in stereotypical cliques until you are old enough to go out to the bar. Individuals may join clicks in high school and experiment with unrespectable people when they join college, but it isn't until you turn 21, go to the bar, and realize that many people don't grow out of these self-labeling behaviors that you recognize certain stereotypes to be accurate. Full blown adults conform to those these social expectations in their own perceived "unique" way.

I'm not any different, despite what I would like to believe. When I go out, my confidence is not as high as normal due to the fact that I am in an unfamiliar environment. I'm also slightly introverted, and so I make up excuses to not talk to people. I tell myself that

 1) Time is my most constrained resource

 2) I don't want to waste it spending time with shitty people

 3) People at the bar generally fall under this category

I'll let you create your own commentary about this hypocrisy. While I am very selective about the friends I carry close, this façade is about masking my insecurities (the roots of which go back way further than you care to hear).

The concentration of terrible human beings at the bars is high, causing me to carry around a false sense of superiority. Couple that with the fact that my hearing sucks, especially when there is loud background noise. Considering that most bars play their music so loud that any conversation short of sign language is impossible, it leaves me with little room to improve my social abilities through conversation, which, to me, is the point of going out.

The funny thing about stereotypical social groups is that they tend to congregate around a certain geographical location. Wildlife fascinates me, so I'm going to do a biographical analysis on various bar scenes and the different habitats that encompass them.

Disclaimer: This story is satirical, and I make a lot of blanket statements about groups of people.  Note that when I do discuss stereotypes about these groups I am not talking about every single person who identifies to that group, I only am discussing those in that group that conform that stereotype (unwittingly or otherwise). For example, if I were to start talking about nerds, and say that nerds are bad with women, I am not stating that every single person who is or could be considered a nerd are bad with women, I am only stating that there is a significant percentage of nerds who are bad with women.  Like I said, everyone is unique, but sometimes the similarities between individuals and groups of people are too hilarious to ignore.

Part I: Mill Ave. Tempe, AZ

Mill Ave is a wonderful cesspool of inexperience, bad ideas, and good memories (or lack thereof). Many people pop their cherry on their 21st birthday at these bars, and hence there forth either have an impermeable bond with the place or they never want to step foot there again.

The natural setting of Mill Ave combined with recent legislation from ASU banning frat houses has made this the stomping ground for bros and frat boys.

I'll start of by discussing this legislation. In May of 2011, after partying, debauchery, and violence reached an all-time high, ASU sent a letter to the fraternities saying that the houses could no longer be used for residence, and the owners signed agreements allowing ASU to lease the properties. The transition was slow, allowing time for 911 calls to fraternity houses to be up 97% during the Fall 2012 semester. This legislation instead shifted the negative externalities of the Greeks, which were being contained within themselves and the school, to the world around them. The poor apartments didn't know what they were in for.

Instead of cooling down, the Greeks have taken a page out of their plagiarized home country and ramped things up a notch once the hammer came down. So much so that Tempe is actually considering passing new ordinances to clamp down even further on all the ruckus. This all came after a large fight outside of an apartment between some frat bros turned ugly, involving around 20-30 members of Delta Kappa Epsilon (not that the name means anything, I can't tell the difference between the frats worth a damn In the spirit of pushing the envelope, six people showed up a little later swinging baseball bats and firing guns in the air.  It was good fun for all.

Credit: ABC

ABC is much better at making this situation hilarious than I could ever hope to be

If the bars thought that they would be exempt from this madness then they were wrong. The bars have security guards and police officers roaming the street, so they had an advantage to fight the frat madness. The Greeks took this in stride, and, despite the added presence of authority, found a way to fuck the situation up regardless.

Sigma Alpha Epsilon achieved the most attention after one of their members wound up dead in the Salt River in November 2012, last seen getting kicked out of a restaurant in Tempe marketplace. ΣΑΕ knew that notoriety can be fleeting, so they did some community outreach last semester in the form of dropping one of their 20-year-old brothers off at the local Emergency Room with a blood-alcohol level of 0.47.  Inspired by his young age, the poor lad had done 20 shots of tequila that night.  His brothers escorted him safely to the hospital, then left; presumably to deal with their numerous responsibilities such as work and school. It's nice to have friends.

Now, the setting. I appreciate Mill because it features a nice mix of bars, so you can choose whichever setting you are in the mood for. However, indicative of the failing of our generation, the most popular bars feature deafening music with a dance floor. I'll do a quick analysis of what these bars feature:

Alcohol: Well no shit, every bar by definition has alcohol. However bars differentiate from other distributors of alcohol by their price. This drives the dividing line between the frat bros. Half are poor and stick to their pre-gaming with plastic handled vodka. That is the blessing of being Greek, you live right next to both campus and the bar scene (ASU might pose a little bit more of a problem for Greeks being more spread out than U of A, but Mill is within walking distance of a lot of student housing). After drinking enough poison to bring them halfway to death, they venture out unto the bars, daring the world to challenge them.

Number of People: Frat bros aren't the best at math (notice that this is me stereotyping stereotypes). In order to assure success, they reinforce their underlying assumption that they are better to everyone else. To the truly stubborn, this becomes more effective the more people that are present. While most people consider a line in front of a bar as an annoying deterrent, frat bros consider this as a success in the works.

Music: The "music" that generally plays at the bars is less actual music than it is a product designed by marketers and sound technicians with an iconic figure slapped on the cover. They play this "music" at a volume so loud that your ear buds have trouble processing the tumultuous vibrations. This is perfect for frat bros. The music is usually mindless and full of simple metaphors and similes, generally regarding the icon's state of mind after consuming one or more substances. They can relate to this, and hence don't mind hearing a series of songs which are essentially about the same thing. The noise level also eliminates any possibility of conversation, which is great for frat boys considering that conversations of any intellectual capacity undermine their supposed superiority.

Source of all this nonsense: http://www.azcentral.com/community/tempe/articles/20130514fraternity-drunkenness-rise-violence-vex-asu.html

Part 2: Downtown. Phoenix, AZ

Downtown Phoenix is an up and coming nightlife scene. Being home to the Arizona Capital, the city council  develop the area in their immediate proximity. The result of this is a thriving scene of local businesses mingled with the skyscrapers of the corporate titans Chase, Freeport McMoran, Wells Fargo, and other formidable entities. $4 billion of private and public capital was put into downtown, resulting in the much more modern and vibrant presence that Downtown Phoenix now offers.

This dynamic environment was also the result of several measures taken to "clean up" downtown, and the presence of a homeless tent city not a mile away from the state capitol building inspired the construction of the Human Services Campus, which includes the homeless shelter CASS, St. Vincent de Paul's Henry Unger Memorial Dining Room, and several other nonprofit organizations with the combined goal of ending homelessness. The result was a modern marvel, and the homeless had a place to stay besides downtown.

However if you look at the area surrounding downtown, you will find a very different environment. These industrial and economically depressed areas remind you that Phoenix not only got hit hard by the economy, but it has longstanding areas that the state would prefer not to highlight.

All of these social issues aside, several local businesses tried their best to parallel their paths with the direction that Downtown Phoenix was heading. With these new businesses came the hipster crowd. They love to explore places where no other consumer has gone before in hopes of both finding a local gem and appearing innovative and ahead of the masses (however don't call them consumers, they really won't appreciate that).

Hipsters are an interesting crowd.  No one is sure from where they came. According to Time Out New York, "metro-sexuality is the hipster appropriation of gay culture, as a trait carried over from their 'emo' phase."  I would pay good money to find a hipster that would not only agree that their fashion sense is pulled out of metro-sexuality, but that they were once an emo in the past. This makes a lot of sense though. Teenagers by nature rebel and seek everything that is not approved by the general population. This can be violent video games, raunchy movies, drugs, alcohol, etc. These however are all relatively accepted by the mainstream. Emos take it a step further by channeling their teenage angst to go out of their way to find shit that people either are unfamiliar with or don't like. They also HATE everybody, especially themselves and their "shitty" middle-class lives. Once their chemicals balance, the teenage angst disappears and so does the hate (or most of it anyway). However the drive to be nonsensically different remains, and we are left with what we now know as "Hipsters."

These conforming nonconformists are a walking contradiction. They are part of the social group that chooses fads, activities, and locations based on the number of people who don't do any of the above. Fixed-gear bikes? Hipster. Handlebar mustaches? Hipster. Being sensible? Not hipster.

There is usually a reason that most people do something a certain way, and it’s because that way is the most efficient or productive way of doing it. For example, not listing the prices on menus, possibly because money is evil and this way the experience is not about the money, it’s about the food and the climate. That is until my I get an unreasonable bill for supposedly unique yet seemingly simple food.

However, I don't want to give the wrong idea. I personally like hipsters.  Most of them are very nice, for some reason all hipster girls are beautiful, and they are a good source of trendy and interesting things that I would not really hear about otherwise.  The reason that they have a bad reputation is because most hipsters have a slight air of pretention (due to the fact that you are mainstream, and therefore uncultured).

Nowadays hipsters roam the bars nightly and come out in droves on First Fridays and other special events. One of my more culturally-informed friends Jon made this comment when we were discussing this very topic, "I remember the good old days when First Fridays was actually about art and music, instead of today." See folks? Even hipsters hate other hipsters.

Credit: AZ Central

There are too many people here for me to be unique.

Sauce: http://phoenix.gov/econdev/reinvest/focus/index.html

Part 3: Old Town Scottsdale, Scottsdale AZ

South Park wasn't wrong when it said that Scottsdale was the most horrible, most miserable place on Earth. A special level of terrible exists in this white privileged area of Maricopa County.

This Millennial generation of Scottsdale Douchebags emerged due to both nurture and nature. Their parents provided them with everything that they ever needed, giving them a false sense of entitlement combined with a lack of responsibility. The culture of Scottsdale places social importance on money and wealth, leading people to believe that they need the shiniest accessories, the nicest cars, and the most branded clothes to survive.

An old friend of mine will be thrown under the bus for an example of the type of Scottsdalians that I am referring to. I'm not sure what her dad did, but it was enough to put his family into a beautiful house in North Scottsdale. She was a nice, intelligent person, but she was not very… let's say, "cultured." One time when we were trying to think of something to do, I asked if she wanted to go to Harkins North Valley 16 to see a movie. She declined, insisting that the area around 32nd St. and Bell was, "kind of the ghetto." If you are unfamiliar with the area, it features a large amount of lower-middle-class apartments (apparently apartment complexes = ghetto). I'm still not sure if she's ever seen a homeless person before.

 Another time while we were taking a hike, she was telling me about how her family had recently moved to a new house. They were on the same street as Frankie Muniz (The star of Malcolm in the Middle) and several other celebrities. After a bit, we start braving a talk about politics (our political views are not congruent). We touch on the topic of the national budget. She states that she is against taxes on those with a higher income being raised. I asked why. She stated that if taxes were raised any higher her dad would not be able to afford to send both her and her sister to college. It is times like these where I'm thankful that I have the self-control to keep my mouth shut (that house by Frankie Muniz must have cost your dad a lot! Have you heard of student loans?)

Point being, some people have different definitions of "living on a budget," and in Scottsdale, these definitions can get very interesting. Scottsdale tots grow up in a much different world than most other people in Maricopa County, and it's up to their parents to show them the difference. Sadly, many parents have neglected to do this, leading to the current state of the Scottsdale Bar Scene.

If you are not from Scottsdale, I honestly don't know why you would go to the Scottsdale bars. After several shitty instances, my friends and I have vowed to do our best to never return to that hated place. This vow emerged after we all got banned from Smashbox because Scottsdale is afraid of large black people. Earlier in the night I had conducted a small-scale social experiment where I asked around twenty random groups of people at Dos Gringos what inspired them (I was writing a speech for my Americorp's graduation and wanted ideas). More than half of them answered "money." A good majority of them also answered "partying," or "bitches" (to be fair I can kind of relate to that last one). This just shows you the type of people that live in Scottsdale (that night is an entire story unto its own, stay tuned).

Credit: christophercashak.com

"What is a soul?"

The couple of times that I went out to Scottsdale I felt like I was going back to my Senior Year Prom. People were pulling up in limos and getting out in clothes that likely cost more than a month's rent. Tuxedos and fancy dresses were everywhere.  I always make a point to dress down when I go to Scottsdale.  Earlier this year I met some friends for sushi in Old Town Scottsdale and we went back to somebody's apartment so everyone could change and pregame. What I thought was a 15 minute stop turned into an hour long montage of people getting fancier and fancier. They put on suits, completely re-did their hair, put on new shoes, and broke out their nice cologne. Meanwhile my friend and I were sitting there in plain clothes asking each other what the big deal about going out was and why everyone was going all out.  For God's sake, I was wearing jeans and a Micky's t-shirt. 

When we finally left, we took separate cars and drove to the club. I was with four girls, one was my plain clothes friend, another was my friend who was visiting from out of town, and the other two were Scottsdale bitches. We had to park in a lot about a half mile away and walk. It was COLD, but it was a fairly short walk. It was too much for the Scottsdale girls, they dropped back to get a cab. We got to the club; the bouncers ID'ed us and let us in. We found our friends and they told us that they were charged a $5 cover. Mind you, these gentlemen were dressed up in NICE ass clothes. I was dressed trash casual (I wasn't respectable, but I was clean), but I paid nothing to get in (I'm sure the ratio of girls to me helped my cause). I wouldn't be surprised if some Scottsdalians had mistaken me for a transient (to be fair I've never seen a homeless person in Scottsdale before either).

What's the future of Scottsdale?  Nobody can say for sure.  Housing prices in the greater Phoenix area have plummeted, so living in Scottsdale can be much more accessible.  However, this is not what they want. The point of Scottsdale is exclusivity, not openness. Perhaps they will build a giant wall around the city's borders to keep out the unwanted (id est-colored) people. Maybe I'm being cynical, maybe Scottsdale will be a beacon for the rest of Maricopa County. All I know is, I won't be around to find out.


Conclusion
All of that being said, what place takes the cake as the best place to go out?  That really depends on what type of experience you are looking for.  If you are a terrible person, go to Scottsdale. Tempe offers a diverse set of experiences, which converge during the night to the theme “PARTAAAY!”  As for Downtown Phoenix, I don’t even know what to say.  There honestly isn’t a huge amount of options, but this is perfect for people who view this challenge as a positive thing, with the potential payoff of finding a rather unknown place (you know what type of person I’m alluding to).  I personally prefer Tempe, they have a lot of different options where you can make your own experience. Personally, I am excited to see the growth of these social groups.  As the years go by, the Scottsdale Douches will grow up and move onto fancy restaurants, as will the Frat Bros, a fair percentage of whom will become alcoholics and move onto dive-bars (while sipping a PBR and singing “Those Were the DAAAAYYS!!).  The hipsters will reside in downtown for a while until it gets more popular, then they will migrate to the next up-and-coming scene.  Nature takes its course.